Divorce Mediation and Family Law Mediation Offer Tremendous Advantages Over "Win/Lose" Litigation
The way mediation works in Detente's process is simple: two unbiased persons ("the mediators") give both of you personalized guidance and tools to resolve disagreements yourselves. Our process works even if you are not speaking to each other now. One of the mediators has expertise in communications and family dynamics and the other knows the law. Between them, the Détente mediators significantly diminish the conflict and increase the awareness that you are BOTH responsible for your own issues and are able, capable, and can be successful at responding to them. The results are less fear when you regularly interact with each other, and increased confidence in your ability to co-parent children during and after divorce.
Compare Détente Divorce Mediation with Litigation
Détente Divorce Mediation |
Litigation in Family Law Courts |
| Promotes healthy restructured family | Destroys relationships with children, family, friends |
| Private and confidential | Public hearings, online records |
| Spouses control costs leaving more assets for each after divorce | Legal fees can rapidly spin out of control consuming the marital estate, college funds, retirement savings, and leaving only debt and attorneys' fees to divide |
| Focus on finding common ground and problem-solving | Focus on finger pointing, blame, accusations, and generating conflict |
| Fast, usually completed in a few months | May take years for trial and appeals |
| Spouses hear the same thing at the same time in face-to-face meetings, reducing delay and misunderstanding | Spouses talk through lawyers which dramatically increases cost and risk of miscommunication |
| Can be done with or without lawyers | Treacherous without competent legal representation |
| Balances spouses' power, levels playing field | Favors spouse with most control or money |
| Voluntary, informal, exchange of relevant information | Information obtained by deposition, written questions - stressful and expensive |
| Spouses choose to avoid court | Trial used as a threat and for coercion |
| 100% of efforts and money are focused on early settlement with 98% chance of success | Lawyers are paid from the beginning to prepare for a trial that has only a 2% to 4% chance of happening |
| Convenient two hour sessions on your schedule with pre-agreed agenda | Set on court's time; judge or lawyer can raise surprise issues in the courtroom |
| Spouse does only what she or he agrees to | Judge imposes decision - outcome is unpredictable and not tailored to your needs |
| Spouses are more likely to stick with agreements they make voluntarily | Spouses often violate court imposed terms they do not agree with |
|
Neutral, unbiased divorce professionals help both spouses |
Lawyers hire expensive experts to try to justify client's position and find fault with the other spouse |
| Try mediation first - if it doesn't work use collaborative law*, arbitration, or litigation | Can't "try" litigation - once you're in it, you're stuck |
*The difference between Détente divorce mediation and collaborative law: As explained in more detail above, in Détente mediation a neutral person (a mediator) helps both people negotiate. No one in our divorce mediation has to have an outside divorce lawyer, and if someone does, he or she can decide if the divorce lawyer will participate in the mediation sessions or assist offline to develop options, review agreements, and do legal paperwork. If negotiations break down and the mediation ends, you can still keep your lawyer.
In collaborative law, each spouse is represented by a collaborative lawyer in the meetings. If there is no settlement, then the collaborative lawyers must withdraw and both of you have to hire new divorce attorneys to take your disputes into litigation. Collaborative law works very well for many, many people and it is a better way to divorce than litigation. But for those who cannot afford the full collaborative team process, fear losing their divorce lawyers if they do not settle, or who want to do their negotiations themselves with professional help but without lawyers, collaborative law is not always the best fit.
Détente divorce mediation is collaborative mediation. It combines the best of collaborative law - use of neutral professionals, focus on preserving the strength of family relationships, and goal of keeping control of the outcome in the hands of the spouses - with the pure simplicity and cost effectiveness of mediation so more people can benefit without worrying about losing their lawyers. Read more . . .
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